Update 11.20.09

-After filling out about a million sheets of paper, I now can have doctors appointments and prescriptions for $5. This makes me very happy. Usually, I’m terrified of going into any medical building, but this place was super friendly, and I really felt like they cared (which is rare for any kind of clinic, especially one for low/no income folks). My blood pressure was a bit high, but that might have just been from my nerves and the very cute nurse that was administered to me. Apparently, I’ve gained a lot of weight and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen (have to get some blood work done here soon)? But yeah, two hours later I walked out of the clinic with my medicine in my hand. Hopefully the real me will come back soon.

-Wednesday, I co-taught a class on gender/transgender issues. Only three people showed up (turned out to be a diverse crowd though), but I feel like they all got a lot out of it. Need to start somewhere, right? Actually, the conversation was quite productive and they even got a little riled up about trans rights, society, respect, labels, and all that good stuff. I’m thinkin’ the next class will have more people in attendance.

We discussed passing in depth. You wouldn’t think about it normally, but social constructs (yes, even in the LGBTQA communities) force everyone to pass in their own different way.

A few examples:

1. A bio-woman is often mistaken for a man, since she is tall and has short hair. She wears long dangly earrings to avoid this situation. Passing as a more feminine presence.

2. An asexual tries to avoid talking about their asexual status by passing as heterosexual.

3. A bisexual is in a heterosexual marriage. She passes as heterosexual, not on purpose, but since society likes to make assumptions.

4. A boy likes to make baked goods. He hides this fact from his friends in order to pass as masculine.

This got me thinking a bit more about it. Why do we have to pass? What are we passing as? Can’t people stop making assumptions? Why must we be shoved in categorized boxes? And even when we’re in these boxes, why are we still ridiculed and ostracized? Why do people consistently feel the need to live up to these imaginary/binary standards of man and woman, gay and lesbian, etc.  Are we all really that spineless?

Anyway, there’s a lot more from where that came from, but for now I’m immersing myself in books. And I swear, reviews are coming soon.

 

And just in case you forgot, today is Trangender Remembrance Day. Take a minute. Think about it.

Update 11.18.09

Sorry guys! I’m a slacker! I just realized I haven’t posted any reviews in… a long, long time. It will happen soon, if not tomorrow.

Things to mention:

Didn’t get that job I was really excited about, so back on the hunt.

Teaching a class on gender tonight at a church. We’ll see how that goes. I’m kind of interested as to who will show up.

Wicked Grounds is a fantastic and kinky coffee shop in SF. Please visit them if you have the chance. They’re running a bit short on change these days, so in the interest of keeping them open, treat yourself (or whomever) to a dog dish of coffee. Heh.

Finally got an appointment to see a doctor so I can get back on my antidepressants. They said they could help me get into a program where I don’t have to pay as much (I have no insurance). Thank goodness, because the first visit will be about $95. Urgh. *headdesk*

Mom is paying for me to come home for the holidays. All of my family is trying to convince me to move back.

We have no heat.

Anatomy

snagged from Blake Wright

Update/HNT

Update:

Ok. So there’s really nothing to update. I should be hearing back about a job by the end of the week. Super jealous of all of you going to the NY Sex Blogger Calendar Party. Sleep is hard to come by. Making friends is extremely difficult. Finished crocheting a strap for my ukulele. I am breathing.

HNT (Half Naked Thursday, although its more like an NT this week):

I feel like posting one. It’s been a while. Sorry to my real life friends who read my blog.

HEY!

I know you’re reading my blog, and I appreciate that very much, but you don’t have to hide. Come out of the shadowy darkness of blog-lurker-land (or regular-reader/commenter-land) and talk to me!!

1. Who are you???

2. Where are you from?

3. How did you get here?

4. What do you like about my page?

5. What can I do to improve your reading experience? What would you like to see more/less of?

6. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

 

 

I do love queer music…

 

I’m going to see her in SF next week.

Seventeen FAIL

Confession: When I was around the age of 13, I had a subscription to Seventeen magazine. And yes, it did mold me into the mainstream at the time. Fashion, boys, drama, makeup, all that shit. It makes me shudder to think about it.

Today, I read an article out of the November 09 issue (thank you twitter) and my jaw almost fell out of my mouth. Right on the cover it says “My Boyfriend Turned Out To Be A Girl.” “Girl” is in pink, by the way. Apparently, a girl was dating a transguy and had no idea, and he (who probably wanted to protect himself) didn’t tell her. But yeah, the whole article was basically saying how transpeople are out to trick everyone and how they’re all big liars. Great! They just wrecked a whole bunch of young people’s minds. I mean, kids that read that magazine usually tend to be mailable, and wow, that’s just a wrong way to introduce the concept of gender variance.

 

Ok, so maybe writing about it while riled up isn’t the best idea because my thoughts don’t quite come out right, but STILL, you need to read this article.

Reading Material:

The Article

Queerty’s Take

Pam’s House Blend

Neighbors

A few nights ago, one of my housemates, her boy, and I were going to investigate some free couches around our neighborhood. We were walking across the street to the car, when we were approached by a slightly crazed drunk woman who typically roams our streets asking for change. She came up to me and said something along the lines of’ ‘Excuse me sir, I mean ma’am, i mean… can I buy some cigarettes from you?’ I said i didn’t have any, so we started walking away, and then  she starts yelling ‘Wait a minute! I wanna ask you somethin’! Are you a guy or are you a girl? I just wanna know what you are! Bitch don’t walk away from me! I’ll show you my titties! (at which point she’s slightly undressing herself in an aggressive manner.. to compare? I don’t know why)’ but then she runs up to me and is like ‘I really just wanna know’ and then she totally felt me up. Ran her hands all over my chest and then kinda groped my crotch… which, you know, was unnecessary. She was still confused. I froze. I mean, normal people would have stopped her, but I couldn’t do anything else but stand there. It was a deer-in-headlights response. So then I was like WTF YOU JUST FELT ME UP! and got in the car. She started yelling stuff that none of us could understand.. something about drugs, I think, so we drove away and got some really cool junk. No couch, but that’s ok.

I’ve gotten a lot of mixed reactions from this story, mostly along the lines of that’s-so-fucked-up-why-didn’t-you-kick-her-in-the-shins-and-run-away. A large part of me is wondering why I didn’t react. Another part of me is realizing how detached I am from my body. Probably not a good sign.

Why did I never get this lego set when I was a kid?

Making Lists

Lists are good for organizing. This is my very rough not-so-mental list of pros and cons of testosterone. Here it goes.

PROS

- It would make passing wayyyy easier. Not as many strange looks and questions.

- Lower voice. Right now, I get all high pitched when I’m nervous or on the phone (so basically most of the time).

- The age thing might not be such a surprise to people.

- Body Changes, hopefully for the better.

* No more babyface.

* Definitive muscle mass.

CONS

- Hair and acne that I don’t need more of (they’re already bad enough). Also, I’m really not a fan of facial hair and having to shave it off all the time.

- Money I don’t have.

- Conforming 100% is not my cup of tea.

- Potential loss of singing voice (ok, so it’s not that big of a deal).

- I’d have to tell my family. As of now, they know nothing.

My mind is a very conflicted one (more so than usual). I could potentially figure out a way to deal with all of the cons (most of them are revolving around the fact that I need to get some guts) so that they could go on the pros list. But at the same time I could say that most of these items are completely vain, which is dumb. And then I start at the beginning again. Tra la la. This is how my brain works. So, in conclusion, I’m sitting here eating cookies.