Tag Archives: Gender Stuff

Update 11.20.09

-After filling out about a million sheets of paper, I now can have doctors appointments and prescriptions for $5. This makes me very happy. Usually, I’m terrified of going into any medical building, but this place was super friendly, and I really felt like they cared (which is rare for any kind of clinic, especially one for low/no income folks). My blood pressure was a bit high, but that might have just been from my nerves and the very cute nurse that was administered to me. Apparently, I’ve gained a lot of weight and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen (have to get some blood work done here soon)? But yeah, two hours later I walked out of the clinic with my medicine in my hand. Hopefully the real me will come back soon.

-Wednesday, I co-taught a class on gender/transgender issues. Only three people showed up (turned out to be a diverse crowd though), but I feel like they all got a lot out of it. Need to start somewhere, right? Actually, the conversation was quite productive and they even got a little riled up about trans rights, society, respect, labels, and all that good stuff. I’m thinkin’ the next class will have more people in attendance.

We discussed passing in depth. You wouldn’t think about it normally, but social constructs (yes, even in the LGBTQA communities) force everyone to pass in their own different way.

A few examples:

1. A bio-woman is often mistaken for a man, since she is tall and has short hair. She wears long dangly earrings to avoid this situation. Passing as a more feminine presence.

2. An asexual tries to avoid talking about their asexual status by passing as heterosexual.

3. A bisexual is in a heterosexual marriage. She passes as heterosexual, not on purpose, but since society likes to make assumptions.

4. A boy likes to make baked goods. He hides this fact from his friends in order to pass as masculine.

This got me thinking a bit more about it. Why do we have to pass? What are we passing as? Can’t people stop making assumptions? Why must we be shoved in categorized boxes? And even when we’re in these boxes, why are we still ridiculed and ostracized? Why do people consistently feel the need to live up to these imaginary/binary standards of man and woman, gay and lesbian, etc.  Are we all really that spineless?

Anyway, there’s a lot more from where that came from, but for now I’m immersing myself in books. And I swear, reviews are coming soon.

 

And just in case you forgot, today is Trangender Remembrance Day. Take a minute. Think about it.

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Making Lists

Lists are good for organizing. This is my very rough not-so-mental list of pros and cons of testosterone. Here it goes.

PROS

– It would make passing wayyyy easier. Not as many strange looks and questions.

– Lower voice. Right now, I get all high pitched when I’m nervous or on the phone (so basically most of the time).

– The age thing might not be such a surprise to people.

– Body Changes, hopefully for the better.

* No more babyface.

* Definitive muscle mass.

CONS

– Hair and acne that I don’t need more of (they’re already bad enough). Also, I’m really not a fan of facial hair and having to shave it off all the time.

– Money I don’t have.

– Conforming 100% is not my cup of tea.

– Potential loss of singing voice (ok, so it’s not that big of a deal).

– I’d have to tell my family. As of now, they know nothing.

My mind is a very conflicted one (more so than usual). I could potentially figure out a way to deal with all of the cons (most of them are revolving around the fact that I need to get some guts) so that they could go on the pros list. But at the same time I could say that most of these items are completely vain, which is dumb. And then I start at the beginning again. Tra la la. This is how my brain works. So, in conclusion, I’m sitting here eating cookies.

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Anxiety. Yeah.

The plane leaves in about 17 hours. My dad is taking me to the airport after lunch (and probably a shot or two). I dunno. I guess I’m just really nervous about the whole flying thing. There’s always this little voice in the back of my head saying “planes crash all the time and you’ll be really high up in the air going really fast etc.” But it will be fine. It will.

Oh yeah and if you’d like to sponsor me for the San Francisco AIDS walk, please do.

So fucking excited to see people I love and have adventures. All of that makes up for the anxiety.

Also, some thoughts.
I’m a little concerned about denial and being a creature of habit. The idea of being label-less and genderqueer and stuff is all well and good, but sometimes I feel like that might just be my brain in denial. I mean it took me 6-7 years to even come close to admitting that I was interested in women (or whoever). Maybe this is my denial phase of being trans. I don’t even know. I guess I’d just like something in my life to be concrete. Everything is always up in the air. Always dysphoric. Can’t explain any right now. More later…

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Identity

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983 Binder

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Woo.

And if you want to see my older post about the 997, click here.

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Packing Strap

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Early to Bed will happily supply you with your very own PACKING STRAP, if you so desire!

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pStyle

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If you want one of your own, check out Early to Bed. If you’d like more information on the pStyle, please visit Krista’s Cups.

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