Tag Archives: Vagina

Vulvapalooza: Fail

Last night, I went out to a UVA event called Vulvapalooza. There was a fantastic performance of The Vagina Monologues. There was a “Pin the clitoris on the vagina” game (I totally rocked that btw.). There was a postsecret bulletin board about our vagina secrets. I wrote something along the lines of “My vagina won’t bite” and this guy next to me wrote something about how he just saw a vagina for the first time yesterday. “Just looked. Didn’t touch,” he said. Automatic friend.

If I’ve never mentioned enough, Charlottesville is ridiculous when it comes to closed mindedness. Especially the kids at UVA. I’m really glad that the event existed, and some people were making an effort, but really, it was awkward. I think I was the only one there that was honestly excited about vaginas. After the Vagina Monologues, I was eavesdropping on some people, and most of them said that the whole thing made them really uncomfortable. The whole LGBTQ table was empty. I hung around there for a while, but the representative didn’t even show up. There was a table for safe sex, but nothing about the sexual activities of people with “alternative lifestyles.” Most people looked at me like I was from a different planet. I’m sure they’ve seen gay guys, but not many lesbians.

Speaking of which (sorry my thought process is a little jumpy), I went out to a party the other night where there were students from Virginia Tech and UVA. My best friend goes to Tech and she said she has never met a gay person there. Ever. Her roomate has never actually met anyone who is gay. I made sure to introduce myself. So anyway, I walked into this party and I actually felt peoples eyes on me. Like lasers. Cutting into my flesh. I was avoided for the most part. Probably why I got so drunk. So I woudln’t be so fucking self conscious.

I was talking with my mother about all this and her reaction kind of startled me. She said something like, “I don’t know why you feel so oppressed all the time. What’s your problem?” Thanks mom.

Didn’t mean to rant so much about this but I just needed to get it out in the open somehow.

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Field Trip: Gynecologist

Today, I will be ranting about going to the gynecologist. Be warned.

My periods and I are not friends at all. Basically I have these earth-shattering cramps that make me throw up and pass out, combined with stomach angryness. Oh it’s a good time.

Last time I went to the gyn. she just told me to take advil. My regular doctor also told me to take advil. ADVIL DOESN’T WORK FOR THIS!

I’m not a fan of having people look at my vag. but I figured it would be better to get checked out rather than to be in the fetal position on the bathroom floor crying every month. So today, I sauntered on in to the office, signed in and all that, and proceeded to sit on a very floral themed couch. Waited, waited, waited more. After about a half an hour, I went up to the receptionist and was like “Hey, thought I had an appointment.” She assumed I was just hanging out on the couch waiting for someone. It smelled like old ladies in there and I wouldn’t be lounging around on my own free will. Gah! I’m kind of assuming she thought I was a boy. Neat.

She handed me this pink shirt thing and ushered me into a room. Awesome. Got naked, put it on. It was basically transparent. My nipple piercings were visible, my luxurious leg hair was all over the place. It was great.

Gyn. comes in like 20 minutes later and asks me if I use condoms or not. I sleep with girls, lady. “Girls have diseases, too.” And that was all she had to say about safe lesbian sex. I was astonished. I almost gave her a lecture on toy materials and dental dams and gloves and stuff. Then she said the only thing that would make my cramps better was birth control pills. I asked if she could just remove everything, but alas she said no. What a skank. She also acted like I had never seen a speculum before.

All in all, it was a super bad day to be any kind of manly. Sad, sad times.

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